The diagnosis
Four years after I moved to the Netherlands, I suffered from skin complaints for which no ointment or soap helped. My GP did all kinds of tests, but without any results. He spent two years looking for the cause and the last advice I got from him was to do an HIV test. I wanted to get rid of the symptoms so badly, so I did. Not much later I was told that I am HIV-positive. It was a slap in my face. In Suriname I had seen something on TV about HIV and AIDS, but it was always about Africa. I still thought: that will never happen to me. I didn't know anyone with HIV either.
After the diagnosis I withdrew for two weeks. I had so many questions.
Was this really true? Why me? How long do I have left to live? My ex was very shocked at first and was afraid that he also had it. But he had himself tested and was HIV-negative. My daughter was 8 years old, and my GP advised us to get her also tested for HIV. The wait for the result was excruciating, maybe that was the hardest thing of that time. I don't know if I would have been able to bear it if she had had it too. Fortunately, this was not the case.
When I got the results of my HIV test, I was immediately referred to a nearby HIV centre. There, they determined my CD4 value, among other things. This turned out to be very low and that is how I found out that I not only had HIV, but also AIDS. In the meantime, I knew the difference between them. I got a lot of information from the internet and participated in a forum for people with HIV. Not for long, at most two weeks I think, then it was enough for me. Listening to the stories of others can give you strength. But at that time, I didn't want to be confronted with the suffering of others too much.
And after the news?
During those first weeks, I refused the support of others and wanted to do everything on my own. Fortunately, I have my faith, from which I could draw a lot of strength. I believe that God has a purpose for my life and he leads me through everything. When I went back to work, my team coach said that I was not obliged to tell everyone. But I was on my toes there and became very cautious in dealing with others. Soon it became too much for me to bear alone and I decided to tell my colleagues.
Fortunately, everyone reacted well.
By now my HIV is under control. Although I still find it a challenge. Every day I have to take my medication, every day I am reminded. I never used to take any medication. Even with a headache or backache, I'm not someone who takes paracetamol quickly. It's because I have to, but I'd rather not have to take any medicine. Bring on the healing!
Helping others
After a few months, when I got over the shock of my HIV diagnosis, I decided to become an educator for the Mara Foundation in Rotterdam. I visited schools and together with the GGD, I organised information sessions for doctors and nurses and for those who had recently been diagnosed.
I did this partly for myself, partly to show others that HIV can affect anyone.
By doing this work, I met many people who inspired me. It made me feel more and more powerful. Because of the many moving things I experienced, I started a buddy project with Mara for migrants with HIV. This gave rise to the idea of starting my own foundation. A foundation to support my fellow man, with and without HIV. We offer emergency aid to people in African countries and Surinam. We offer them shelter, for example. We also support people in the Netherlands, for example people in the neighbourhood who have less to spend. Later on, I also started an open house, where I give information about positive living.
POSITIVE LIVING
For me, living positively means accepting as much as possible of what I have to deal with. Because if I don't have a positive attitude to life, I don't create positive energy. If I think that because of my HIV I can't realise my dreams, that only brings me misery. I also tell others: try to give life a positive spin, despite all the negative things you experience.
I still have plenty of dreams for my foundation.
For example, empowering other people by helping them to start their own business, so that they can be independent. And building and renovating schools where you can learn a profession. In the past year, I have learned to write project plans and do fundraising. This way, I hope to find more donors who can make my dreams come true.
My wish is to live in a world without taboos about HIV and all the nasty things around it. People who take their pills secretly or people who won't give me a hug because they are afraid of catching HIV. Those taboos still need to be broken and that starts with education.
LIFE MOTTO
My life motto is: take good care of yourself, because someone else won't do it. I also do my best to take good care of myself.
I give colour to my life every day, because if you want it to be a party, you’ll have to take care of the decorations yourself.
I have gradually learned to make use of the people around you when necessary. Fortunately, I have a helping hand in every corner: my daughter, my brother, my friends, the people at various HIV support organisations such as Mara and Humanitas. Even my neighbours know that I have HIV and look after me. I am slowly getting older and because of my HIV I have a greater chance of developing another chronic disease. Therefore, it is very important to live a healthy life. I pay attention to what I eat and drink and I have to exercise regularly. After all, I intend to become very old.